


all her delicate dreams

by seimaisin



Series: The Fairest Lily [1]
Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: During Canon, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26275669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seimaisin/pseuds/seimaisin
Summary: A collection of short ficlets about Lily Fairchild, a Hyur Warrior of Light. Ratings and tags will be updated as we go.Assume spoilers for A Realm Reborn. Expansion spoilers will be noted on relevant chapters.
Series: The Fairest Lily [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1909072
Comments: 5
Kudos: 6





	1. Prompt: Crux

The question bothers Lily all the way back to Gridania, all the way to the Sylphlands. It makes the words of condolence feel like ash on her tongue; she feels like a fraud, like she's responsible for the small, nearly weightless body she returns to Frixio. And so she chooses to stay with the Sylphs as they prepare the rituals that accompany death in their kind. Her task here feels undone while she does not understand.

Under the light of the moon, as Frixio hovers near her, she finally asks the question. "Why did she do it?" 

Frixio peers at her. "What does dancing one mean?"

"Noraxia. I saw - I could see what happened. Because of my gift." The word comes out bitterly. "Minfilia told her to stay hidden, to survive and send me a message. But she didn't, she put herself in harm's way. She couldn't have done anything more, she didn't have any weapons, there was no way to help Minfilia other than bearing the message. But she tried, and she died. For what?"

The Sylph elder makes a strange sound that might be a long exhale, Lily isn't sure. "This walking one .. Minfilia?" The name doesn't sound quite right, as if the syllables make no sense to Frixio. "She is important, yes?"

"I suppose so. She's the leader of the Scions, I think. Was. Is." 

"And this walking one leader was kind to Noraxia, dancing one said."

"Yes. I think they quite liked each other."

Frixio is silent for a moment. "These ones are not always brave," he says finally. "These ones are small, and do not fight, and are easily threatened by walking ones. But hiding has not helped these ones in recent days. Noraxia chose to travel far from home because she knew hiding would only lead to more bad things. And when the bad things followed, Noraxia did not hide again." Lily looks up to see Frixio giving her a sad smile. "Sometimes to help or not help does not matter. Sometimes the important part is to show up."

His words stay with Lily throughout the night, as the moon illuminates a solemn procession of sylphs throughout Little Solace. And in the morning, she presses a small, fading leaf between the pages of her journal as she makes her way back to the aetheryte.


	2. Prompt: Muster

"We don't have the time to dally in Ishgardian politics, Lily."

Lily stares long and hard at Alphinaud. "Do you have a better idea?" He says nothing, and she can feel her lips curl up into a sneer. "I didn't think so." 

She starts to walk away, but his voice stops her. "I don't mean to be insensitive …"

"Then stop." She scrubs a hand over her face before turning back. "Until you can muster up the energy to do something useful, stop talking."

He looks briefly like he's been slapped - she feels bad, which makes her even more irritated. There's something in his voice, the way he indicates that she's not _enough_ , that sends her back to a place and time she vowed never to return to.

_Gods, Lily, there's no time for your reading nonsense. Go put on a dress and try to act like you've been taught proper manners, will you?_

But, a small voice in her head asks, is she doing any better? The boy standing in front of her is nothing more than a teenager, no older than when she herself was struggling to believe she was worth something. He's obviously from wealth, with all the arrogance that comes with it, but she knows from experience that there's a difference between learned arrogance and ingrained, hopeless arrogance.

So she forces her shoulders down from her ears, and sighs. "I think the chirurgeon could use some help gathering supplies. If we can make an ally of him, it'll help in the long run. Could you go see him?"

He's not old enough or canny enough to hide the relief that crosses his face. "Yes, that's a good idea. I've got a small bit of healing magic myself, maybe that will help." 

Alphinaud walks off with as much dignity as he can muster; once his back is turned, Lily feels the tension return to her muscles. She'd promised herself she wouldn't manage the emotions of others anymore - that she wouldn't bury her own just to make someone else happy. But right now, she can't see any other options. They need that airship, and they need it quickly. If that means swallowing her pride to manage an arrogant teenager, well, that's what she'll need to do. 

"I hate snow," she mutters as she trudges off to once again dally in bloody Ishgardian politics.


	3. Prompt: Matter of Fact

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set after the end of ARR, during the 2.x patches.

Thancred has been doing a fairly good impression of his previously normal self, but Lily is sure that none of his fellow Scions are buying it. Still, it seems kinder to allow him the polite fiction for a while. She knows Minfilia is keeping an eye on him as best she can, but she's running herself ragged, trying to keep an eye on everyone in the wake of their pending move. So as if by an unspoken agreement, the rest of the Scions seem to rotate their watchful eyes. Which, it seems, has not gone unnoticed. "Contrary to popular belief," Thancred says drily as she slides into a chair recently vacated by Y'shtola at his table in the Waking Sands, "I am not a fragile glass to be broken upon sudden impact." 

"I'm sure you'd rather stare mournfully into your ale alone," Lily responds, "but such is the burden of having friends."

The look he fixes her with is pointed, sharp with some thought that she can't immediately discern. "Is that what we are, fairest Lily? I didn't have that impression before all hell broke loose."

Ah. He's in a mood tonight, which is likely why Y'shtola caught her eye to join him. She rolls her eyes at the jest on her name, but with a smile. "It's what we are now," she says. "Even if it took a bit to get there."

"That's good to know. I'm not sure how we ended up there, but I'm glad we did." He lifts his mug and knocks back the rest of his drink. When he lowers it, his expression is serious. "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"I've been wondering ... why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

Thancred looks down at the table for a moment before speaking. "Rescue me." 

It's not the question she was expecting. "Excuse me?"

"In the Praetorium. I saw everything you went through, there at the end, from … a distance, I suppose. And I heard him taunting you with my life - or death. And if I'm being perfectly honest, it was a relief when you didn't even hesitate." He looks up again and gives her a wry smile. "For the first time, your lack of regard for me was a blessing. I didn't matter enough for you to falter." 

The calm, matter of fact words take Lily's breath away for a moment. It feels like if she blinked, she would be back in that fiery hellscape, staring down a malevolent desperation in his eyes that didn't belong to him at all. "You mattered," she says softly. "There was just no room to falter."

The eyes that meet hers are still his, still Thancred, no matter what the remembered tension in her says. They're tired, and show that he doesn't entirely believe her. "I was grateful," he says, "when you struck the final blow, the last one I remember. You'd freed me - to my death, I thought, but it was the only freedom I thought possible. But then I woke, and everyone rushed to tell me that you'd appeared as if by a miracle, with me in tow. I remember that place." She sees him swallow before continuing. "To escape alone was a miracle. To escape with me - it could have been your death."

Lily finds herself at a loss for words. She has no explanation, none he seems ready to hear. Because in the end, there was no choice - there was no thought of leaving without him. There was death inside the Praetorium, and there was escaping together. Try as she might, she can't picture a scenario in which she emerged alone. After a moment of thought, she just shrugs. "It wasn't," she says simply. 

That provokes a soft laugh, humorless but not unkind. "I don't think I understand you."

"That makes two of us," she admits.

And that seems to be that. He grabs both his mug and hers, and rises to refill them, leaving Lily with thoughts of fire and blood and dark power that tasted like ash in the air. Her dreams are full of it now, to the point where sometimes she's desperately grateful to wake in the morning. She wonders what his thoughts contain these days, what Lahabrea has left him with - what lurks in his mind, waiting to ambush him in the dark of night. "You matter," she whispers. To herself or to him, she's honestly not sure.


	4. Prompt: Nonagenarian

Lily doesn't approach Urianger until her third visit to the Waking Sands. When she does, her request is hesitant. "I know you have a lot of literature here. Would … you mind if I read something?"

She can't see his eyes under his goggles, but she senses he's surprised. "But of course," he says. "Thou art as welcome to my collection as any Scion."

"Oh, really? I mean, thank you - I promise I'll read them here, and I won't ruin anything." She's babbling a little, but she catches herself and turns her head before she can blush. "Thanks. It's, um, been a while since I've been able to really read anything."

Urianger gives her a shallow bow, and gestures back to his study. "It is hard," he says as they enter, "to travel and study at the same time. It is the reason I forgo the adventures mine colleagues embark on; I know my strengths, and can accomplish more with books and quill than I might with magic and steel." 

"To be honest," Lily admits softly, "that sounds lovely."

"Oh, thou didst not choose the life of an adventurer?"

"Not specifically," she says. "The short version is that I knew I needed to leave my home, and the only jobs available to help me do that were with a merchant caravan. I intended to only travel with them as far as Ul'dah at first, and perhaps look for a job as a scribe's apprentice or something similar."

Urianger gestures for her to look around at the books piled around the room. It's a bit overwhelming, how much there is, in a very good way - she's fascinated enough by the first stack she examines that she almost doesn't hear his response. "It seems that thou must have changed plans, yes?"

"Hmmm. Oh, yes. Well, not by design." Sitting cross-legged on the floor, she pulls a book from the pile - one that seems to contain an analysis of Gridanian relations with the elementals - and traces the lettering on the cover. "I started out as a cook in the caravan, but within the week, two of the guards up and quit and they offered extra gil to anyone who would do the work on the route to Ul'dah. I'd become friendly with one of the remaining guards, and he offered to teach me how to wield a lance well enough to earn the coin. Turns out I was really good at it, so when we finally reached Ul'dah, the merchant offered me a permanent position. It felt like I couldn't turn it down. I didn't have that much coin to my name, so I told myself I'd save up for a while before settling down." She looks up with a faint smile. "But that was more than five years ago. Settling down wasn't in my future, I suppose."

"Indeed. The gods have strange plans for us all, sometimes thou must heed the wind's direction and shift accordingly."

"What about you?" she asks. Of all her new colleagues, Urianger has been the least forthcoming with his own past. "Are you doing what you expected you'd do?"

He chuckles. "Nay. At one time I full thought I would spend all my days at the Studium. But Master Louisoux had a way of changing the fates of all he encountered, myself included." 

"How long did you study under him?" There's a lot she'd like to know about this Louisoux - he's mentioned so often, but no one has yet explained anything other than that he was once their leader. 

"Early in my academic career. Some days it feels like a lifetime ago, though in reality it was not fifteen summers past."

That gives Lily pause. "Urianger - how old are you? If you don't mind me asking."

That earns her another chuckle. "Approaching thirty."

"Really? Huh." Lily shakes her head, grinning. "I have to admit I had you pegged for older. Possibly because you talk like a nonagenarian."

This time, she gets a full-throated laugh, something she had yet to hear from him. It makes her feel warm - and happy that he doesn't seem to take offense at the remark. "Ah, Thou remind me of an old friend," he says. "She has said as much before, and will likely again, the next time I see her. But in reality, of those in our circle, only Minfilia and Yda are younger."

"And me," she adds. "But I won't hold it against you as long as you let me spend some time back here when I have a few moments." 

"Then a deal is struck." 

It's funny, though she can't see his eyes, Lily could swear he winks at her. She laughs, and settles against a nearby bookcase. They read together in companionable silence until daylight has slipped away.


	5. Prompt: Part

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set post 5.3. Spoilers only in the existence of a certain character.

Lily is alone at the Rising Stones, and she feels like she can breathe again. Well, not entirely alone - Tataru and Krile are here, as usual, and Thancred is sitting across the room, reading something. But alone enough. The thought makes her cringe - she's not being fair, she knows she's not being fair, but … 

"Something wrong?" Thancred asks. She hadn't noticed him watching her. One of the reasons she's comfortable being alone with him, she thinks - she never feels the weight of his gaze, not unless there's a good reason. 

"No," she says. "I was actually thinking that something's right. I'm enjoying the quiet." 

"Indeed." But he sets the book aside, studies her more. "Feeling a bit crowded?"

Now she sighs. "Is it that obvious?"

"Not really. I wasn't sure - it's hard to get a read on how you're feeling about his presence, now that everything's back to normal. Or whatever passes for normal here, anyway."

Lily rubs her eyes. "I love G'raha, I do, and I'm very glad he made it. I'll just be glad when the hero worship phase is over."

When she blinks her sight clear again, she sees Thancred looking at her with a very strange expression. She furrows her brow, and he tilts his head, seemingly making a decision. When he speaks, the question he asks is soft. "You love him, do you?"

Well, that was _not_ what she was expecting him to focus on. "No!" she says immediately, almost before he stops speaking. "No, not like that. I love him like I love most of this ridiculously weird family we've accumulated, like … you know, Y'shtola or Alphinaud or something." 

"Oh." Lily tells herself she's imagining the hint of relief in that soft syllable. "I wondered. He's clearly … enamoured of you. You're harder to read."

"It's overwhelming," she admits. "Most of the time, I'm having so much fun with him - it's nice to look at this whole adventuring life with new eyes again, remind myself how lucky I really am to be able to do all of this. But sometimes, when he's looking at me, I feel …" She shakes her head and laughs softly. "It feels so stupid, to complain about someone thinking too well of you."

"Not really." Now Thancred rises and crosses the room to sit next to her. "But I'm curious, what is it you're feeling?"

She thinks for a moment, searching for the right word. "False, I think. Like he's seeing a person who doesn't exist, a facade he's created of me over the years. Like I'm playing a part for him, the hero of the tale." She chuckles again, looking down. "I know it's not fair to him, I know that's not what he means. I know it's going to take him some time to adjust to this life, and that I'm a kind of lifeline to him right now. But gods, is it uncomfortable sometimes. I wonder when he'll finally see me for all my flaws and faults."

Thancred is silent for a moment. "I think, perhaps, it's not that he's seeing something false, just that he isn't seeing the entirety of you yet. You _are_ a hero, and there are tales about you - trust me, I've heard them in taverns across the world at this point. But that's not all you are."

Why that simple statement makes her feel like crying, Lily doesn't know. So instead, she shakes her head. "You're right, I'm also an impatient bitch who gets angry too quickly over the dumbest things."

"I am not stupid enough to agree with you there, but the underlying point is valid. There is a facade you need to wear when you're out there being the Warrior of Light. But this is a place where you should be able to put it away. And you really should - just be who you are, and maybe his affection won't feel so false." 

"Or maybe he'll get over it."

"Unlikely." When Lily gives him a questioning look, he shrugs, his eyes darting away for a moment. Then he meets her gaze, and holds it - _now_ she feels the weight of it, heavy but not uncomfortable, and never unwanted. "I'll confess, in my own way I likely think more highly of you than even G'raha does. Like it or not, you're … a beacon. You have a light that shines in any company, a way of drawing the eye the moment you enter the room. You're also restless and impatient and prone to anger, but all of that just makes the light brighter, because it means you're real. You exist, and you choose to be here, to do the things you do, and that's …" Now he looks away again, his lips curled into something that isn't quite a smile. "Incredible." 

Lily is having a hard time processing his words - the sentiment itself, and what she's hearing beneath it, or what she thinks she's hearing. She can't quite seem to catch her breath as she studies the now familiar planes and angles of his face, the movement of his lashes as he closes his eyes briefly and takes a deep breath. And then he's looking at her again, and she's lost in a stormy gray sea, a match for the storm rising in her chest right now. He seems to move just a bit closer - or is she swaying closer to him? It's impossible to tell -

"Thancred? Are you still out there?"

Tataru's shout breaks the spell, and Thancred jumps to his feet as if pulled by an invisible rope. "Yes, Tataru, I'm here, what do you need?"

It's something about a box on a shelf, but Lily doesn't hear any of it, not really. Once Thancred is out of her field of vision, she raises her hands to her cheeks to feel the blazing inferno under her skin. She's trembling - when did she start trembling? Gods, she must look - she must -

"A walk," she mutters, launching herself from the couch and toward the door. "A walk around Revenant's Toll. That's a good idea." The cool air of a Mor Dhona morning will help her get a hold of herself, to figure out what to do with the heat of Thancred's words sitting heavy in her chest - with the ghost of a taste she hasn't had, and probably wasn't going to have, but maybe … 

… maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies to our favorite catboy, who I love and will protect with my life, but Lily's heart has been elsewhere for a long time, sorry.
> 
> Looking for some wholesome FFXIV debauchery? Come join the [book club](https://discord.gg/9D5Tb4)!

**Author's Note:**

> Title of the whole collection comes from "Be Afraid" by Jason Isbell and the 400 Unit, which is most definitely on the Lily playlist I haven't made yet.
> 
> Thanks to the [book club](https://discord.gg/hyHvMp) for inspiring me to write and post FFXIV.


End file.
